The waiting game. So many times in our lives, once we set our minds to it, we want it immediately. We want it to happen right away. But often times, we have to wait. Sometimes, a short period of time. Other times longer. And there are times where we never get what we originally wanted and had hoped. God knows everything about us, our lives, what will happen, what is best for us in the long run. We don’t know that. If we knew that ahead of time, everything that was going to happen in our lives, we wouldn’t be able to handle it. And big chance that we would just be so overwhelmed and say, “Nope! Not doing it!”
Just recently, I have been talking to a friend who is going through the, “What the heck do I do with my life” phase. More and more, her heart is here in Guatemala. I 100% understand! Legit. Those of you who knew me before I moved to Guatemala, especially my co-workers and some close friends, totally saw the whole thing unfold and many called it out that I would move, even when I was in denial about it still. I honestly thought I would be working at Reading in the ED until I retired and would lead medical teams down to Guatemala around twice a year when I could get vacation time. God had other plans that I didn’t see coming at all. And there have been moments that if I would have known ahead of time what was to come in this life, I might have backed out. Do I regret moving and what we do here? Absolutely, NOT! If I didn’t make the jump, answering God’s calling for my life, I wouldn’t be doing any of this: married to the most amazing man, have kids, clinics, doing youth and kids projects, hosting teams and meeting amazing people from all around the world, and walking with some of the toughest, yet most broken kids and youth.
Just a few days ago, I just let the tears fall as I listened about a youth we love dearly and his struggles he’s going through daily. I’m going to refrain from details out of respect for him. The more you’re here, the more you see how deep the poverty, pain, struggles, brokenness, and just messed up, more awful than you imagined kind of situations are happening. It’s not just here. It’s all over the world! Just a few days ago, 8 street boys in Uganda, who we visited when Yelsi, Conner, and I were there for 3 weeks in 2017, were sleeping behind a wall around a school that collapsed on them, killing 6. Their friends, all street kids, worked to dig them out and identify them. They were able to contact family for 4 of the 6 and give them proper burials in their home village. But they are still trying to figure out who the families are for the other 2 boys. These street boys are from villages all throughout Uganda, who leave their homes to travel to the capital, in hopes to get a job and better support their families. Most come and find out they can’t get jobs, which means no food or shelter and end up on the streets. When we were in Uganda, we spent some time working with these boys, teaching them about Jesus, and I even did a health lesson on the effects of drug use. Most of these kids were addicted to huffing paint thinner because it helped them to not feel hungry. They always ended their time together throughout the week with a snack, and that was usually the most food they had for the day. When I worked in the hospital in the States, I saw countless numbers of abuse cases, homelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, gangs, etc. It’s everywhere. We live in such a broken and fallen world.
It can be so overwhelming to be honest. That feeling of there’s so much we want to help “fix,” yet we can’t do it on our own. First of all, God is the one who provides, heals, touches these people’s lives. Not us. We’re His instruments. 2nd, we live in a fallen world and it’s never going to be perfect. Perfection is in Heaven. 3rd, God called us to do a certain part. We are a small part of a much larger picture that everyone is a part of. And many times when I feel overwhelmed, God reminds me to look right in front of me. Look at the people He has brought to clinic from literally all over the country. Look at the youth and kids and how much they have changed in the last 3 years since I’ve met them and many years since Peter and Estella have been working with them. What used to be a lot of anger, mistrust, distance, turned into trust, love, openness to share with us, openness to come to us when they need a safe place, need to talk, need help. Look at the kids in our own home. Even though it may not feel like we’re making a difference or a “dent” in the massive mess in this world, we’re doing what we’re called to do to help make a world of a difference to the person directly put in our path.
While talking with the friend I was mentioning about before, I gave her the link to my blog for her to read from when I was in Guatemala for 3 months and as I was preparing to move. I recently looked back through the posts and was struck at how everything unfolded. How I had no clue what was going to happen. I never would have guessed that I would have moved and have the life that I have now. It’s amazing to look back through the posts and seeing how faithful God was to allow healing to what I felt like was just too far gone to heal, how He showed me and opened the doors just when they needed to be open to move, meet the people I needed to meet at just the right time, put each piece of the puzzle together and unveil it at just the right time, even when I didn’t always feel like it was the right time. He knew better. He knows the bigger picture.
So as hard as it is to wait, if you’re in that time period of waiting, keep praying that God will give you the patience as you wait, doors opened clearly when they need to be, and peace and joy to be where you need to be in this very moment of your life, even if it’s not where you want to be. And that God will continue to give you the fire and passion for the end goal, what you’re striving for in this life, whatever that may look like for you. So that you can keep fighting and working towards that end goal, yet stay where God has you right now in this stage in life. And trust me, I’m speaking to myself right now. And meanwhile, no matter where you are, you can make a huge difference in someone’s life. Just look around you. Something that may seem so simple, may mean the world to someone else and give them the hope they need in this very moment. So go, bless someone, and you in return will be blessed!
If anyone is interested in looking through my blog from my 3 month trip and the months leading up to moving to Guatemala, if you haven’t read it already, here is the website: https://headingtoguatemala.blogspot.com/